Joke & Story

MAYONNAISE JAR and 2 CUPS OF COFFEE

2005-10-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

Dear all my dearest brothers and sisters,

Something for you to read ! This is not a joke... if you think your life is not a joke :-).. let's enjoy it. You find a wisdom joke...

MAYONNAISE JAR and 2 CUPS OF COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of
coffee.
************************************************************************************
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it
was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.. They agreed it
was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a
unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand.
The students laughed.
Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite
passions --
things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your
life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and
car.
The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no
room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you
spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have
room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
Please share this with someone you care about.

I JUST DID.

Tebak-tebakan

2005-10-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

Si programmer dan engineer berada dalam sebuah perjalanan panjang di pesawat terbang. Si engineer tidur dengan lelap. Tapi si programmer duduk gelisah. Setelah lama bingung mencari kegiatan, si programmer membangunkan engineer dan mengajak main tebak-tebakan. Si engineer yang malas cuma menggeleng dan mencoba kembali tidur.
"Ayo dong," desak si programmer, "Kita pakai taruhan. Yang kalah bayar sepuluh ribu ke yang menang." Si engineer masih menolak dengan halus.

"Begini saja," kata programmer, "Kalau aku nggak bisa jawab pertanyaanmu, aku bayar seratus ribu. Kalau kamu nggak bisa jawab pertanyaanku, kamu bayar sepuluh ribu saja."

Si engineer bosan diganggu, dan terpaksa setuju. Maka si programmer mengajukan pertanyaan pertama, "Berapa jarak dari Matahari ke planet Pluto?" Si engineer langsung menyerah dan menyerahkan sepuluh ribu rupiah.

Si programmer dengan sukacita menantang pertanyaan dari engineer. Maka si engineer bertanya, "Apa yang naik dengan tiga kaki dan turun dengan lima kaki?"

Si programmer bingung. Tapi ia tak mau menyerah. Maka ia membuka notebooknya, dan mencari berbagai referensi. Setelah gagal, ia menyambungkan modem radio, dan mencari referensi ke Internet. Masih gagal, ia berkirim mail ke seluruh mail list yang diikutinya untuk menanyakan soal itu. Tapi tidak ada yang bisa menjawab.

Putus asa, ia menyerahkan seratus ribu rupiah ke engineer yang masih terkantuk-kantuk. Si engineer tenang menerimanya dan memasukkannya ke saku.

Si programmer, penasaran, membangunkan si engineer, dan bertanya lagi, "Jadi, apa jawabannya?"

Dengan malas, si engineer menggelengkan kepala, mengeluarkan sepuluh ribu rupiah, menyerahkannya ke si programmer, lalu tidur lagi.

sumber: kun.co.ro

What was the oldest profession in the world

2005-10-13T06:06:00.000-07:00

A physician, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

Engineer dibutuhkan di neraka??

2005-10-13T05:45:00.000-07:00

Suatu ketika, seorang engineer meninggal. Dia seorang engineer profesional yang telah menghasilkan banyak alat-alat teknologi seperti AC misalnya :-)
Sepeninggalnya, Dia pergi ke Surga dan berjumpa dengan Dewa di Surga .. (maaf ini anggap saja cerita Son Go Ku, Dragon Ball)
Dewa Surga berkata "Haii, Anda tidak masuk dalam list. Go to Hell."

Dengan sedih Engineer pergi ke neraka menuruni 3,945,081 anak tangga terbang dan berjumpa dengan Setan. Setan berkata

"OK, Oya masuk"

Ketika di neraka, engineer yang nggak pernah diam ini membuat inovasi2 seperti escalator, air conditioners, ruang spa lengkap dengan kolam renang dengan pengatur suhu canggih. Tentu saja seperangkat BBQ otomatis tidak ketinggalan, dan lain-lain.

Suatu ketika, Dewa memanggil setan dan berkata,
"Kamu tahu kan? seharusnya Engineer itu di sini"

"Hai, yang benar aja dong? Saya nggak akan memberikan Dia kepadamu. Sorry ajah."

Dewa penguasa Surga berkata,

"OK kalo nggak, Saya akan menuntut dan menghukummu."

Setan serta merta menjawab
"Menuntut? Paduka tidak mungkin menuntut hamba. Anda tidak punya lawyers di Surga sana!"

Who did a flood ?

2005-10-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

Inilah momen, dimana engineer jadi dikenal....

An engineer and a lawyer were recently fishing in the Caribbean. The fishing was outstanding and they got to talking about their vacations.

The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the blazing fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a raging flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The puzzled lawyer asked, "How DO you start a flood?"

Source: Humor Vault

Manager & Engineer

2005-10-13T05:20:00.000-07:00

Seorang laki-laki terbang dengan balon udara, dan dia sadar kalau kehilangan arah. Tengok kanan-kiri, wah nggak ada orang nih... tentu aja kan lagi di atas, coba nengok ke bawah... :-)

Beberapa waktu kemudian
"Oo itu dia ada seorang laki-laki berjalan di bawah." Serta merta dikurangilah ketinggian balonnya untuk mendekati pria dibawah dan berteriaklah sang balon.. eh pria tsb.

"Maaf, bisakah anda beri tahu, dimana saya sekarang ini?"

Laki2 kedua menjawab dengan tangkas, "Oo yaa. Anda berada di atas balon udara dengan ketinggian 30 kaki di atas tanah, sedang menahan keseimbangan supaya tidak terjatuh"

"Anda pasti seorang Engineer," kata pemilik balon.

"Ya, betul", jawab pria di bawah dengan kagum. "Bagaimana Kamu tahu?"

"Oo ya tentu," kata pria 1, "Semua yang Anda katakan secara teknik benar sekali, tetapi mutlak nggak membantu"

Pria di bawah menggerutu, "Anda pasti seorang manager."

"Oo ya," jawab balloonist, "Tapi, darimana kamu tahu?"

"Hmmmm tentu saja," jawab pria engineer, "Anda tidak tahu dimana kamu berada, atau kemana kamu akan pergi, tetapi kamu mengharapkan saya untuk membantu. Kamu bahkan berada diposisi yang sama sebelum kita bertemu, dan sekarang seolah-olah ini kesalah saya?!!."

When Engineer standing at the urinals

2005-10-13T05:16:00.000-07:00

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don't pee on our hands."

Source: humorvault

Putri katak & Engineer

2005-10-13T04:49:00.000-07:00

Sang engineer berjalan cepat melintasi tepi sungai, ketika terdengar suara panggilan. Setelah diamati, ternyata suara itu berasal dari seekor katak.
"Hai tunggu," kata si katak, "Aku sebenarnya putri yang cantik, tapi sedang dikutuk. Tapi kalau kamu menciumku, aku bisa jadi putri lagi. Ciumlah aku!"

Dengan hati-hati si engineer memungut si katak, lalu memasukkannya ke saku jaketnya.

Si katak berteriak, "Hai, ciumlah aku! Kalau aku sudah jadi putri, aku mau jadi pacarmu semalam." Si engineer cuma tersenyum kecil.

"Iya deh, nggak semalam. Seminggu penuh deh!!!" teriak si katak. Si engineer senyum lebar, mengeluarkan katak dari saku, mengelus-elusnya, kemudian memasukkan kembali ke saku.

Si katak berteriak putus asa, "Ya deh, aku mau jadi pacar kamu seumur hidup. Tapi cium aku dong. Nanti aku jadi putri yang cantik sekali, yang akan menemani kamu selamanya."

Akhirnya si engineer buka suara juga. "Hey. Tahu nggak. Aku itu engineer. Aku nggak punya waktu buat pacaran. Tapi punya katak yang bisa bicara, keren juga."

sumber: kun.co.ro

Ilmu Karcis

2005-10-13T04:46:00.000-07:00

Setelah membaca kisah ini, Anda akan suka mengaplikasikan formula Erlang.

Sekelompok engineer dan matematikawan naik kereta bersama untuk menghadiri workshop. Setiap matematikawan membawa selembar karcis. Tapi para engineer hanya punya selembar karcis untuk semua orang. Tentu saja, para matematikawan menertawai ketololan kelompok engineer.

Saat kondektur hampir masuk, semua engineer bergegas masuk ke kamar kecil. Kondektur mengetuk pintu kamar kecil, dan berteriak, "Karcisnya, Pak." Sebuah tangan mengacungkan selembar karcis itu keluar kamar kecil. Kondektur memeriksa dan kemudian berlalu. Para engineer pun keluar dari kamar kecil.

Para matematikawan merasa kecele.

Pulang dari workshop, para matematikawan hanya membeli selembar karcis. Tapi para engineer tidak membeli karcis selembar pun. Para matematikawan kembali menertawai keanehan pada engineer.

Saat kondektur hampir masuk, para engineer masuk ke kamar kecil. Dan para matematikawan masuk kamar kecil satunya. Tapi kemudian salah satu engineer keluar dari kamar kecil, mengetuk pintu kamar kecil para matematikawan, dan berteriak, "Karcisnya, Pak!"

sumber: kun.co.ro